Parlay
by SingingPigeons
Summary: Set in ME1, a group of pirates get more than they barganed for when they try to invade the Normandy. Joker gets to do a bit of dangerous flirting before meeting EDI. Garrus enjoys taking a few hostages. And Shepard helps another soul without even meaning to this time. Rated T for a bit of foul language, pirates aren't so polite you know, and some violence.
1. Chapter 1

The Neptune was one hell of a ship, or at least she had been, thirty years ago when the heap of junk was new. Now the old girl struggled just to enter space yet alone a mass effect feild; some of the control pannel even had manual buttons that stuck out like old warts, there just to be pressed down by acident by a wandering elbow. The pirate crew were constantly making half-arsed repairs, being forced to fix everything from the ships' engine to the toilet flushing system, the greypaint outside was peeling to reveal rust, only half the escapepods were suspected to be in working order, and if something did ever show up on the radar, more than likely it was just a speck of space dust getting caught in their systems.

But the Neptune was still fast, and she was certainly tough, and she was Ellen's; her captain be damned. The man couldn't fly his own ship even if he'd wanted to, and none of the crew had a chance of landing without something breaking off. This suited Ellen just fine, it at least made her useful among this desperate rag-tag group of theieves and thugs. Hell, she considered herself the best pilot in the galaxy.

One hand raked through her dark hair, half of it shaved to her skull, the other half long and flowing past her shoulder in slightly greasy trickles. Captain Ragnor was stood behind her looking out the windows, surprise surprise, a batarian with an attitude problem.

"Nothing! Nothing but fucking space! We haven't had a good payout for... for.."

"Two weeks, cap'an." She murmured, flicking a button and killing some of the ship's battery power so the raydar could get a stronger signal.

"Two fucking weeks!" He snarled in anger like an animal, his hands clutching onto the back of her chair so the kuckles turned white. He was making Ellen nervous, and she cut the lights in the bathrooms and gave the raydar even more power. The two of them had never worked well toegether, and she hated it when he joined her in the cockpit.

Success! Her stomach did a flip as a little dot started to flash on one of her screens. Please don't be dust, please don't be dust, please...

"Cap'an, we're picking up on something... probably a cruiser." She hoped, prayed.

"Finally! Get closer... queietly..."

Pfft. Easier said than done. Though Ellen loved her ship, it's engine was louder than a baby krogan. Still though, she followed orders, and directed the ship closer to the other... hoping for something big.

…

Little did they know they were creeping towards a top of the line alliance ship, and all attempts at sneaking were wasted as their location was revealed to the Normandy almost straight away.

Joker frowned and adjusted himself in his chair. Damn it, his ass was asleep, but if he wasn't going to get up every time he needed to piss, he definitely wasn't going to get up just to stretch his delicate legs.

No, instead he ignored how uncomfortable he was and swished his fingers across the air, flicking from screen to screen until he found the one he wanted. The Normandy started a quick scan of their new friend, noting down the make, the condition, and more importantly: how many guns the other vesel owned.

"Commander, looks like we've got company." He announced through the intercom, his voice ringing out throughout the entire ship and making him feel important. And damn right, he considered himself the best pilot in the galaxy.

Shephard had been mulling over the map, thinking about Saren and the havoc he was causing, but she rushed to the cockpit after Joker's warning, her eyebrows knitting together into that serious frown she so often held these days.

"Who is it, Joker? The geth?" She grumbled, the geth were always on her mind nowadays, though they both knew they weren't the real threat.

"No, it looks like an old standard V.10... wow, they didn't even have those when I was a kid." He frowned, noticing how close the ship was already, and how the two guns hostered at it's sides were pointing there way. "Pirates my guess. Stupid pirates."

Shephard choked on air, and for once had to agree with her humerous pilot. "What idiotic species would dare try to raid an alliance vesel?"

"From the make of the ship, I'm guessing... human." Joker chuckled, Shephard merely rolled her eyes.

This was the last thing she needed, she had little enough time to help the various victims of the lastest geth attacks; it was safe to say dealing with pirates was not on her to do list, and her jaw locked as her rarely seen temper started to flare.

"Turn the ship around and tell Garrus to stop calabriating and ready the guns. Show them we're in no mood for playing.."

"Aye aye, captain."

…

"Cap'an, they've picked up on us already. I think it might be the alliance..." she braced herself for the first tantrum of the day, wincing..

"What? What do you mean they're alliance? How could you not pick up on that sooner?"

"It doens't tell me who the hell they are... only that they're there." She grumbled, unable to see how it was her fault.

"Never mind, too late now anyway." Damn, Ragnor must have been desperate, Ellen's first instinct was to turn the ship around and race them to the nearest Mass Effect relay before they shot their ship to hell. But she couldn't, she had to wait for orders, and whilst Ragnor was taking his god damn time the Normandy was turning around to face them dead on... not good.

"Okay," he snarled and spat to his side "we've got no chance like this, we'll board them... show those human pansies how good we are in a fight."

Ellen frowned, didn't he realize most of his crew consisted of humans, including her. But more importantly...

"You really want us to board?" She thought about how many parts of her beloved ship would be shot off in the process.

"Do you have wax in your ears, girl? Prepare the crew to board!" And with that, the batarian was stomping off, shouting down the hall as he went to put on his armor.

This was a terrible idea... they were all going to end up spaced... but Ellen had to follow orders, and she pressed the button for the intercom and shouted out her Captain's orders.

…

"Shore party report to the cargo hold, prepair to be boarded. I repeat, prepare to be boarded." Joker's shrill voice rang through the ship, the crew rushing as they grabbed guns and took positions at various points. Everything already practised, everyone moving smoothly as a team.

Shepard hadn't beleaved what she'd been seeing as the ship drew closer, it's little guns shooting at their sheilds. Joker had had to admit that their pilot was good, as in no time at all they were all rocked to the side as the two large machines made contact and gently bumped together. Still, despite how careful they'd been, the Normandy let out a low groan in protest, and Shepard had struggled to regain her balance as she rushed towards cargo... gun in hand.

"Garrus, Wrex! With me! Ashley take point! Kaiden get behind cover!" Orders poured out of her mouth in sharp bursts. Though Shepard had no doubt her crew could handle these thugs easily, only a fool wouldn't show caution anyway.

In no time at all they were all by the cargo doors, crouching behind boxes with their guns poised at the ready. Sparks flew from the doors, running down in a slow orange line as the pirates started to force their way in using someone's onmi-tool.

"Everybody get ready, we've got a while until they burn through, but don't let that drop your guard. I don't want to see any causalities on our side, we can do this!" She announced, fully believing it. Her crew was the best, and their enemy were merely thieves that had bitten more than they could chew.

…

"We can't do this!" Ellen hissed as she followed her Captain down towards the rest of the crew, who were currently trying to melt their way in. "We'll all be killed, Ragnor. We need to retreat... if we can just distract -"

"No! We're doing this. We're committed!" He pushed past a batarian bashing a fist against his faulty gun, pulled apart two men that had started fighting, then slid towards the doors where Boomer – a krogan with an explosive obsession who happened to be first mate – was calmly watching the rest of the crew trying to break in.

Ellen frowned, staying at the back. It was a shambles, everyone was so disorganised, no one trusted each other, and they were slow and sloppy in getting ready. Usually, however, that didn't matter. The pirate's sheer ruthlessness and determination had gotten them this far, but fighting soldiers was a whole new ball game... and Ellen wasn't liking their chances.

"You joining us, girl?" Boomer had lumbered up next to her when she wasn't concentrating, and Ellen instinctively sneered as she got a face full of rotten meaty breath, jesus, the smell could even seep through his breathing helmet.

"Yes. The ship looks pretty advance... Ragnor wants to see if we can take it..." she murmured, lying. Though Ragnor didn't mind her coming – the idiot trusted the ship more on autopilot anyway – taking the ship was all Ellen's idea.

"Really?" Boomer was smart for a krogan, smarter than Ragnor and Ellen put together, and he didn't believe the little human for an instant. "How very ambitious of Rag. I thought this was a hit and run mission.." he fiddled with his massive shotgun, making the pistol in her hand seem rather pathetic.

"Usually it would be, but this is the alliance. We kill just a few, even one, they'll probably hunt us down. Better to leave no survivors then strip what we can from the ship." She was defending her own plan and they both knew it, but if Boomer disapproved, he didn't say anything.

He just wanted a good fight.

"Hmph. Best get started then." He turned, and addressed everyone in a authoritative yell "you lilly-livered idiots! My wife could do a better job with her teeth! Someone get me a bomb, a big one, and all of you get behind some fucking cover! Do you think the alliance aren't ready for us? Lets do this!"

Ellen took a deep breath. Lets do this.

…

Shepard could feel her crew getting tense, but she trusted them to follow orders. Besides, that fear would be the thing to stop them getting themselves killed.

Her eyes tracked Ashley near the front; the girl was reckless, and didn't like her alien crew all that much. If anyone was going to do something rash, Shepard suspected it would be Ash; and she was starting to think it would have been a better idea if she'd been left to guard Joker, when the noise of the omni-tool suddenly stop.

That familiar clicking sound reached her ears as everyone smacked their thermal chips into their weapons, but the pirates had only melted half way through the door... they couldn't breach it yet. Unless...

"Everyone get - !"

BOOM!

Her sentence was cut off short as the cargo doors suddenly exploded in their direction. Fire blazed, Ashley went flying from the front, and a chunk of metal flew precariously close to her head.

Oxygen whooshed out of the confined space, and Shepard was thankful that everyone had put on their helmets in advanced, or the fight would have been very short indeed. Though those helmets were little protection against a well aimed bullet, and the pirate's dished them out at full force without holding anything back.

She could hear Wrex roaring, and joined in with him as she pointed her assault rifle towards the hole and fired rapidly. Unfortunately for them though, the explosion had left a cloud of smoke, and she couldn't see anything until it cleared a little.

Once it did she saw that the group consisted mainly of humans and batarians, their armour was mismatched and didn't seem to fit anyone correctly, but their guns worked well enough – apart from one batarian's. He nearly fired straight at Kaiden's face, but when nothing came out he resolved to use the weapon as a club instead, beating one of her dearest friends around the head with it.

Shepard shot him in the stomach, then moved forward to help. Wrex was close behind her, seeming to enjoy himself as he barrelled anyone and anything off his shoulders with ease. Garrus remained near the back with the others, dealing out so many headshots with his sniper rifle that it felt like he could have handled the whole situation alone.

However, what they lacked in skill the pirates made up for in numbers. More than a few were making it past them and to the emergency ladders. They rushed through the ship like cockroaches, and control was starting to slip through Shepard's fingers as they were overwhelmed.

"Get back! Don't let them past you!" She bashed her gun against a stranger's face, then shot him in the foot. "Wrex, give them a taste of your shotgun. Kaiden, use lift. Argh!" Her shields went down and Shepard was forced to duck for cover as they regenerated. Stupid girl, you always get too far ahead too soon. She scolded herself, scanning the scene for Ashley...

…

Ellen knew how to use a gun, but it was her tech skills that saved her ass once the shooting started. The explosion had made her ears ring, and the smoke that followed had hurt her eyes so much they'd started to tear up. Being temporally death and blind didn't help her much, but Boomer was by her side, grabbing her by the arm and pushing her onto the other ship.

They ducked behind some crates, and without saying a word the two worked out a system. Anyone came too close, and Ellen would hit them with an overload, burning out their shields so Boomer could shoot them clean in the face with no trouble.

That worked for a while, and the pair had killed three people before they were pressing forward. Bullets danced through the air as she made a run for it, aiming for the ladder by the far side of the room.

She just needed to reach the cockpit... reach the cockpit then she could take control, then they'd all be safe.

Climbing the ladder was an ordeal. Not only was everyone screaming in either pain, rage or fear, but she had Boomer pushing her upwards by her ass – making it damn uncomfortable and awkward to climb.

"Get the hell up there! I'm not getting shot in the back because you're too slow!" He screamed, hitting her ankles with the butt of his gun.

"Ow! I'm trying!" There was a dead body in the way, one of their own that had been shot in the head as he reached the top. Now half of him was lying on the ground, whilst his legs swung in her face. Ellen tried to push him the rest of the way up, but she ended wedged between his knees as Boomer kept pushing. "Argh! Boomer - ! Wait..."

"MOVE!"

That plan out the window, she just started to wiggle past him instead, cringing as her face was pushed against the dead man's thighs, then his crotch, then finally...

"Ah!" Her head poked out and looked around the medbay, blood smeared the walls, the alliance doctor had been knocked out cold on the floor, and a solider ran towards her with his gun raised – wait, what?

She gasped, and fired her pistol widely in his direction with her eyes closed. This time Ellen got lucky, as the man was on the floor with three bullet wounds to his arm when she looked again. Unable to fight her now.

Wiggling out, she pulled the body out of the ladder as Boomer and a few of their lads followed her lead. The men ran forward to fight on and grab whatever they thought might be valuable, but the krogan took great pleasure in slowly dropping a grenade down the ladder, regardless of who was at the bottom.

"Ha ha!" He laughed as she watched on in horror, "it's been two weeks since we had a decent fight!"

…

"Ashley! Do you read me? Ashley!" Shepard shouted down her mouthpiece, still shooting at the few pirates that were left in the cargo hold.

She'd sent most of the others ahead, to flush out the few stupid enough to raid her ship. Garrus had stayed with her, watching her back as she checked the causalities and looked for her friend.

As she rolled over bodies, most were unfamiliar to her, and that was good news. Only a few of the dead seemed to be part of her crew, some soldiers that had been with her under Anderson's command as well. When she finally found Ashley she'd been thrown to the other side of the room, and was in a heap by the corner.

"Ash!" Shephard pulled her helmet off, Joker had covered the hole with a protective purple barrier a bit ago, and the emergency oxygen was being pumped through the ship.

"Commander, we should go help the others..." Garrus murmured gently behind her, putting a taloned hand on her shoulder as he suspected the young woman dead.

"One second! Ashley, Ash? Here, I'm giving you my medi-gel..." she gulped, unable to bear the thought of losing her to pirates after everything they'd been through. It couldn't end like this... it just couldn't.

"Urrgh..." Ashley coughed up a bit of blood, then winced as she held onto her side, "g.. good to see you, skipper..." she murmured, her eyes flickering half open then closed again.

"She's alive. Garrus, help me carry her to the medbay, then we'll teach these son's of bitches a lesson..."

"Aye aye, ma'am."

Garrus did all the heavy lifting whilst they took the lift, a few explosions coming from the ladder made that seem like a bad idea. Shepard had her gun at the ready, but when they made it onto the crew deck it seemed like most of the pirates were retreating. They'd realized finally that this wasn't worth their lives, and were making a break for it towards their ship, some carrying stolen equipment, others not even their guns.

"I don't want anyone leaving this ship!" She shouted to her own crew, her rare temper flaring. Usually Shepard always did the right thing, always helped a person in need no matter what their race, and was constantly forgiving others for their mistakes. But not this time... not with some of her crew dead, plenty more injured, and her ship a wreck.

"Garrus!" She turned to the turian, even though she'd only known him for about a month, she still trusted him, and he always got a job done. "Round up as many as you can alive, I want to find the captain, and I want an apology from the bastard."

…

This ship was amazing. Ellen was in awe, and she grew more and more determined to get the job done as she saw more and more of the place.

Though practically every ship was better than her Neptune, this ship... the Normandy, it was more advanced than anything she'd ever seen before. An overwhelming surge of selfishness washed over her, and Ellen didn't just want to strip it, she wanted to have it, she wanted to fly it.

She almost calmly walked up the curved stairs and to the top deck, there weren't many friendly faces up here, but then there weren't many people here at all. All the crew that could fight had gone down to meet them head on, and then the rest that couldn't were probably hiding... surely the pilot was cowering in a corner somewhere, leaving this treasure on auto for her to play with.

_Click, click, click, click..._

Her little heels beat against the metal floor, heading down towards the cockpit slowly. Her eyes were glazed over, and she hardly noticed Boomer screaming at Ragnor by the galaxy map.

"We have to go! This was a mistake!"

"Wait, wait! This terminal alone is worth thousands. Just help me carry something, Boomer!"

"I'll carry your dead body if you stay any longer, because thats all you'll be if we wait around! I think I saw Commander Shepard, she's the Captain. We have to leave!"

She drowned out their voices, and frowned as a blue hat bobbed in the main chair. Their pilot was still there, his hand flicking over the Normandy's beautiful screen frantically. He was doing a million things at once; checking damage reports, pumping more oxygen down into the lower decks, trying to keep the engine online as bits of his ship were blown into dust never to be seen again.

"Commander! We've still got unfriendlys in the engine room, and I'm picking up readings near the galaxy map... and... oh... oh no..."

In one fluid motion, she swung her leg over the chair and straddled him before he could do anything. Ellen wasted no time pressing the barrel of her gun to his head as she settled down on his lap. First the man winced – she wasn't that heavy was she? – then his wide eyes took note of her rather tight flight suit.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I can't tell if this is the worst, or the best thing thats happened to me in weeks." He stammered, joking even at a time like this.

"Lets go for the worst," she purred, pressing the gun even harder against his skin... though Ellen probably would never have been able to shoot. She'd only ever killed in self-defence, but he didn't need to know that. "Now get up, I was thinking after opening the air ducts and sucking your friends into space, I could have a little go at driving.."

"Err, even though that sounds like a barrel of laughs. I can't.."

"You better do what I say. Or I'll make you."

"No, you don't understand. I can't get up, and not just because you're sitting on me... not that I'm complaining on that score. My legs -"

"Don't play games with me! Get the hell - "

"Off my pilot." A female voice finished the sentence for her in a growl, and Ellen looked up to see a small crowd had gathered behind the pilot's chair, all guns pointing in her direction.

Oh crap.

A turian, a human, and then a quarian, all looking like they'd relish in blowing her head off... well, maybe not the quarian, Ellen had no idea what she was thinking underneath that mask.

"And if I don't?" She murmured trying to be brave, turning her attention to the attractive woman stood in the middle, obviously their captain and obviously very angry, her grey eyes two stormy clouds of hate, her short hair a blazing red and ruffled from fighting.

"Then I'll have to help Joker clean your blood off his control panel..."

"Ah, commander, I'd rather you shoot her somewhere else."

Ellen grounded her hips into Joker's legs after that comment, making him squeak in pain. But that had been a bad idea, as the noise made the other three step forward, ready to kill. She was afraid, and sweating, unable to see an escape route here. Where was Boomer to rescue her again? Hadn't he been behind her just a minute ago?

"Look... I... I don't want to die." She said, hoping to appeal to the Commander's better nature. "I'm just the pilot, I don't even know how this gun works."

"You what?" Joker interrupted, she ignored him.

"Just... don't... I, I don't want to die..."

"And you won't have to." Her voice was calmer now, softer, and she put her gun down and offered her hand instead, though her crew didn't move. "Just stand up, and give me the pistol."

She judged her options, looked from Joker, to the Commander, and then to Joker again.

He raised an eyebrow at her, as if silently saying it would be in her best interests to do as she was told...

Ellen agreed with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Joker twiddled his thumbs and tried to think of an excuse that would take him down to the medbay. That was where everything interesting was happening... and was where Shepard had dragged off the hostages.

Maybe he could have hurt himself somehow. His legs could ache after having someone sat on them... but then Chawkas would just give him another lecture about not taking his medicine, and if Shepard was in there she'd see right through his act, and then...

"I assume every things all right up here, Joker?" Shepard suddenly murmured behind him, making him jerk out of his daydream.

"Ah! Commander. Jesus, do you always have to sneak up on me like that?"

"Just keeping you on your toes." She forced a smile, but after seeing her bloodied crew lying in the medbay, she wasn't really in a happy mood.

"So er, how are our guests?" Joker grumbled, twiddling his thumbs again.

"Pfft. One of them doesn't look like he'll make it, Chawkas is doing everything she can, of course." She shrugged her shoulders, "the other two are fine. They're locked in the back of the medbay. Garrus plans to integrate them."

Joker felt his stomach turn, and craned his neck to look at her.

"What for?"

"To find out if they were working for anyone... it seems more likely than they just decided to raid an Alliance ship."

"Yea, I suppose it does."

"Hell. They might be working for Seren." Her eyes turned cold, like they did whenever the rouge spectre was mentioned.

"Yea... maybe." Joker murmured, and he was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of disappointment. A part of him had quite liked the woman who'd been so obsessed with flying his baby she'd actually threatened to shoot him.

…

"Boomer? Are you all right?" Ellen asked timidly. It felt like she'd been locked in the little room with the krogan for hours, yet he hadn't said a word since they were tied back to back and left there to rot.

"Boomer?" Nothing in return, and if she hadn't been able to hear his lumbered breathing she might have thought him dead. "Look... I'm sorry this whole thing didn't end too well. At least we're looking a lot better than Ragnor, eh?"

A cruel thing to say, but then also very true. Their captain was still in the medbay with the doctor, three of his eyes were swollen shut, his sharp little teeth had been kicked out, and – worst of all – he was bleeding profusely from his head. Ellen's hopes for him weren't high.

"You know what that means, girl?" Boomer suddenly growled, startling her.

"Er... that batarians don't handle bullets to the head very well?"

"That I'll be captain if Ragnor dies." He snapped, his large, leather-tough back digging against her own soft skin.

"Oh..."

"I've been waiting for Rag to make a mistake for months. Even thought about blowing his head off myself if it wouldn't have caused a mutiny. Pfft. Some Captain now aren't I? No ship. No crew..."

"You've got me."

"Great, a skinny little pilot who would put a dirty frigate before her captain."

Ouch, now that hurt, mainly because it was true.

"Rather that than overweight krogan who'd kill his captain the first chance he got." Ellen retaliated. It was a lot easier to start a fight with Boomer when he was tied up and incapable of snapping her neck in two, though he'd probably still try.

"Rather that than a pastey human who couldn't aim a gun even if she kept her eyes open!"

"Rather that than a idiotic krogan who spends all night on the extranet shopping for balls!"

"You...! You stupid human! Garrrghhhh!" He thrashed against his bindings, trying to stand up and turn. He had no chance, with his wrists and ankles not only strapped together, but with his back also attached to Ellens.

Boomer did, however, manage to toss her around considerably, and Ellen huffed as she was twisted this way and that; her bum being lifted off the floor only to crash back down again as he struggled.

"Boomer! Stop it! Gah!" He heaved himself forward, and Ellen stared up at the ceiling for a few moments as she was propelled up and stuck there sprawling across his back.

"I'm going to stamp on your stupid, fleshy head!" He screamed.

…

When Garrus entered the little storage room at the back of the medbay, nothing could have prepared him for the sight he saw. The krogan and the girl, attempting to wrestle back to back.

A lot of grunting seemed to be involved, and little movement, really they were just wiggling on the floor like a worm. Was this normal protocol? He didn't think so.

"Woah!" Joker appeared behind him, he'd come down complaining about his legs, but he seemed fine as he pushed against Garrus's arm, watching the 'fight' with wide eyes.

"Garrus, don't just stand there! Save her!"

"Save... who?" His mandibles clicked together in a confused expression, glancing towards the pilot.

"Who? Oh I don't know, how about the young lady currently being attacked by a raging, salivating, dangerous, bad ass krogan?"

Garrus frowned at him and looked towards the girl in question, who was currently snarling like an angry varren, her legs kicking out and knocking over the carefully stacked storage boxes.

"I don't think she needs rescuing, Joker." He observed, but still, the two did need to stop, and maybe detaching them from each other was a start. "Okay, you grab the human.." he told him, though Garrus would have preferred Shepard's help in this, but she'd expressed that she was just too angry to 'deal with them' yet, and he had understood human behaviour well enough to leave her alone after that.

Joker jumped forward to help, waiting impatiently as Garrus untied the struggling two from each other.

"Filthy human!" The krogan roared, lunging towards the girl. Garrus grabbed him just in time and dragged him back with all his might, even with his ankles and wrists still tied together, the man was hard to hold back, and a deep growl rumbled from Garrus's chest as he struggled.

Joker seemed to be having just as much trouble, his arm carefully wrapped around the woman's waist, trying not to break anything as she reached for the krogan with flying fists.

Garrus barked at them to stand still, but his words went unheard...

Until he got his pistol out.

"Right then. I'd hate to shoot anybody in cold blood, but if I hear another word out of either of you I won't hesitate..." hand on the krogan's shoulder, he pushed him down to the floor. "Now, lets... er... Joker?"

That was when he noticed the pilot was still there, his arms still wrapped around the grumpy looking woman.

"Oh! Right! Yea, I should... get back to... driving the ship..." he let go, face turning a bright red – a human blush, if he wasn't mistaken – and made his way out of the little room.

Garrus wasn't even going to try to understand that, and instead got on with the interrogation.

…

Shepard had been in her cabin for two hours. At first she'd insisted on staying in the medbay, where she watched over Ashley as she recovered on one of the beds. That was until Dr Chawkas had insisted she was getting in the way and had kicked her out. Shepard had then started pacing up and down _outside_ the medbay, thinking over her crew inside. But then Kaiden had started sticking to her side like a lost puppy, and there was only so much consoling she could take until she had to retreat to her room.

Maybe it was about time she dealt with their 'hostages' now. Out of all the pirates they'd only managed to take three alive, the rest were either dead or had escaped on that heap of junk they called a ship... and they wouldn't be getting far.

It was unfair to leave it all to Garrus anyway.

She walked out of her room with the intention of heading straight to the medbay, but before she could even think about it she spotted Garrus already... sat on the tables where everyone ate, talking to Joker... and a young woman not in uniform.

"So everyone votes for me to go get the varen out of the air ducts..."

She must have been telling them a story. Joker let out a hearty laugh, even Garrus chuckled a bit, and oddly enough Shepard felt a surge of jealously take over as she ventured closer.

"But then Boomer crashes through with the thing in his arms, screaming 'can I keep him? Can I keep him?'" Another round of laughter, and Shepard could feel her face heating up as she stepped closer. Garrus and Joker both had their backs to her, and it was in fact their 'hostage' that noticed her presence first, greeting her with a slightly cheeky smile, as if she were in no trouble at all for attempting to take over the ship and murder her entire crew.

"Joker," Shepard started, making him jump out of his seat with an almost girlish squeak, "may I enquire as to whos flying the ship?"

"Not me." She thought she heard the pirate grumble.

"Err, I left her on auto-pilot... I was just helping Garrus,.. err.."

"Interrogate..." Garrus interjected.

"Yea, I was helping him interrogate, Ellen... and then we...um.."

She raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms, it wasn't too hard to get Joker and Garrus nervous, but she'd never managed to get them both worked up at the same time. It might have been amusing if she wasn't so annoyed.

"Well don't let me stop you. Everything seems to be going so smoothly." She sat down next to Garrus and across from the girl... or Ellen, seem as everyone had apparently gotten on first name terms in her absence.

"Commander," Garrus began, his mandibles twitching in nerves... or was it embarrassment? Hard to tell with a turian. "I got all the answers we were looking for. But it's not what you're thinking... Ellens never even heard of Saren."

There it was again, 'Ellen.'. Why was it he could call this stranger – that had tried to kill them all merely hours before – by her first name, yet she was still 'Commander' no matter what they went through together.

It was damn annoying... and unfair.

"Oh? So they just happened to stumble upon us and think we were fair game."

"Exactly," Ellen chimed, and Shepard noticed that at least her hands were still bound together. "We really were just being brave... or stupid, guess it depends who you ask."

"So three of my crew are dead because you were feeling stupid?"

That created a bit of tension, and she stared Ellen down unitl the girl finally looked away abashed, her face turning red.

"I think my side took more causalities..." she shifted uncomfortably. "Hows Ragnor by the way? If I can ask."

"Ragnor? You mean that batarian captain of yours?"

Ellen nodded.

"Dead. Now lets get down to business..."


	3. Chapter 3

Ellen grumbled bitterly to herself as she scrubbed away at the cargo deck. Things had gotten a lot less fun once Shepard had arrived. Before her interruption Garrus and Joker had been pleasant, they'd been comparing stories, and the turian had sure seen a lot of action as a c-sec officer. Even Joker, with his brittle bones, had been through some sticky situations with the Normandy and it's crew.

It had made her tales of looting and plundering seem a little dull in comparison. Oh sure, Ellen had had her fair share of adventures, being a hostage on the Normandy was even one example, but she always came across as the bad guy when she told them. She'd finish a story over how she'd raided a cruise ship or taken a Hanar governor hostage for a month, and the two gentleman would cringe and give each other a little glance, as if to silently say to each other 'this girl can't be trusted.'

_Pirate! Pirate! You don't belong here, they're not your friends. Fake smile, fake laughter. You'd sooner stab them in the back, and they wouldn't even be surprised..._

She huffed at the thought and scrubbed at the blood stain. Shepard had been tough with her during their little conversation. She'd demanded an apology, explained how Ellen was going to help clean up her ship, and had then ordered her to confess where her crew would be fleeing too.

Most might have refused to tell, but pirates weren't very loyal; and the woman had a certain talent in charm that made Ellen almost want to tell. Plus, her crew meant her ship, her sweet Neptune. Ellen wanted to catch up to them as much as Shepard; so she'd revealed the planet their land base was located, and Boomer had had to be in a separate room from her ever since; never before had she seen the krogan so angry.

Now Boomer was still locked away for being too 'unstable' to be left to his own devises, and Ellen had been ordered to wash every little drop of blood off Shepard's floors.

"Scrub scrub, fucking scrub.." she muttered to herself in a grump. Her hands were red and wrinkly from the water, her arms ached after so much work, and her knees were sore from kneeling on the ground all day.

When was she allowed a break? Did she have to finish all this _today?_ After all, they had at least a few days until they caught up to the Neptune and Shepard could seek her revenge.

"Fancy a go at the helm now?" Joker suddenly murmured behind her, making her muscles convulse then jump under her skin. Was the pilot ever on duty? He seemed to do a lot of wandering.

Ellen looked up to him with an untrusting frown, they were alone on the cargo floor. Some grumpy bitch had been cleaning the guns in the corner, but she'd soon left when Ellen had arrived; Garrus had been working at the mako for a while too, but when he'd realised she wasn't about to do anything stupid he'd left as well, leaving her to work.

"I don't think your commander would be too impressed." She got back to scrubbing.

"Well, I didn't really mean _you _would be driving. More like you could watch _me_ drive."

She scoffed. "Thats no fun."

"It is," Joker insisted, almost looking hurt as she stood up to face him, "you'll get to see how a real ship works. Not like that heap of junk you came in with." He let out a little snicker, and Ellen felt her face heat up with rage as he insulted _her _ship.

"Hey! Look little man," she growled, shaking an angry finger at him. "I'll have you know the Neptune is one hell of a ship. She can make 10k in fifteen minutes flat."

Now it was Joker's turn to scoff. "The Normandy can make 15k in half that time."

"Pfft. The Neptunes a classic! She can manoeuvre like you wouldn't believe... a ballerina in space."

"Pfft, the Normandy is the first of the eponymous Normandy class, co-developed by the Alliance and the Turian Hierarchy."

"Well... well... the Neptune has smuggling compartments."

"The Normandy has the top of the art computer system, some of our consoles are worth thousands of credits..."

"Yea, I know. The Neptune has them too."

"Thats not fair, that doesn't count if you stole them off us!"

They sounded like two bickering children convinced they had the best toy, and Ellen's chores were forgotten as she followed Joker towards the cockpit, still arguing that it did _too _count.

...

_Meanwhile, three mass effect relays away..._

"Shouldn't we go back for them?"

"Are you crazy? Thats a suicide mission."

"But we've lost the pilot, the captain, and the first mate... I mean... whos meant to be in charge now?"

The ragtag group of batarians and humans glanced to each other. They'd been arguing none stop since abandoning the mission and leaving as fast as they could. None of the crew had been exactly thrilled over the idea of raiding an alliance ship in the first place, only Boomer had seemed remotely excited. And look how well that had turned out for him.

They hadn't even realised they'd left Captain Ragnor or First Mate Boomer behind at first, everyone had just assumed their superiors would be smart enough to leave. Ellen had been missed though... in a way. The crew had all gathered in the cockpit as some still tried to escape the Normandy, they'd stared at the empty seat and had argued who should – or could – pilot them all to safety.

No one had suggested simply waiting for the little pilot... no, they didn't care that much, and in the end Jezal – a young man whos usually job was just watch Boomer's back as one of the ground team – had been pushed into her chair and forced to guess his way through the controls.

Bits of the ship had been pulled apart in the process of entering the first mass effect relay, no one had realised just how unbelievably shit this heap of metal was. Every warning light was on and flashing, Jezal wasn't sure whether they'd always been on and Ellen had just ignored them, or that he'd done something wrong and they were in big, big trouble.

That wasn't even the worst part, fires kept erupting down in the engine room if he went too fast, yet Ellen had somehow slipped by this problem and gotten them past 10k before without overheating the engines even a little bit; what was the trick she hadn't felt like telling anyone?

However, despite these problems, half of the crew had managed to escape without any serious injuries, and they'd been well on their way to the land base when the arguments had started.

Jezal was surprised they'd managed to get this far in truth.

"But what if Boomers still alive? We can't keep going without him," someone shouted, everyone had been more loyal to the crazy krogan than their actual Captain. No one really cared about leaving Ragnor behind.

"I don't care if four-balls is alive and dancing! We wont be if we go back!"

"We could do it. Take them by surprise now while they're still trying to recover from the first attack."

"We'll just attack them from the ship. Get Neptunes old guns out and ready..."

Jezal snorted, he doubted he could manage that, even now the ship was rattling and shaking in a way it never had before.

"No! I told you! It's a fucking suicide mission!"

"You yellow-bellied coward!"

"Son of a – arghhh!"

Another fight broke out. Gama and Bradely were rolling around on the floor pommelling one another with angry grunt and growls. The rest of the crew gathered around shouting out their encouragements and taking bets.

Usually Jezal would have joined in with great enthusiasm. But he was stressed enough already without these idiots behind him, and sweat beaded his forehead as he tried to keep his temper.

"Oy! OY!" He growled, and put the ship on autopilot – or at least clicked the button he guessed put it on autopilot. "You bastards! Take it somewhere else or I ain't driving the ship no more!"

He went ignored.

"Hey! I mean it!" Still nothing, and he tried to pull the two apart with no success, getting increasingly frustrated. "You... you... arghhh!" Temper lost, Jezal flung himself towards the fighting couple instead of calming things down, punching and kicking his frustration out as others joined in.

Crew brawls were not a rarity on the Neptune, but never before had they occurred without Boomer to call it off before things got out of control. Before MarcusJezal knew it, he was dodging a punch coming from Skipper – the cabin boy they'd recruited only last month – and he realised the entire crew, or what was left of them, were fighting each other with no authoritative figure to stop it.

Someone had to take control. Someone had to be boss.

"All right! Enou - ooft!" A flying foot kicked him in the stomach, and Jezal stepped back as the wind was whooshed out of his lungs. "G-Guys! Fellas, please!" He went ignored,once again and so he took a lesson from Boomer's teachings, and got his pistol out.

Even that action was enough to stop a few, but not everyone, and so he resigned himself the job of killing yet another person that day.

At least this time his victim wasn't completely innocent – unlike the alliance crew.

Jezal hadn't been aiming for anyone in particular, but Luthar – a batarian he'd been quite friendly with back in the day – was the unfortunate soul in the way of his gun, and he fell back dead with a bullet between the eyes as the others settled down and looked towards Jezal, wide eyed and quiet. He was just lucky no one took his lead with the weapons, and felt little remorse for Luthar as he spoke up to the crowd.

"I say we go back for them, for Boomer." He announced, though really, Jezal just missed them having a pilot who knew what they were doing – he hated flying.

"Who put you in charge?" Bradley snarled, blood leaking from his nose.

"You all did when you made me the new fucking pilot. Now I'm turning this ship around... does anyone have a problem with that?" He made a point of his pistol, holding it up so they all had a good view of it.

No one protested, not aloud anyway, but no one looked happy. Jezal had a plan though, and felt almost confident as he sat back down.

…

First, she'd stood behind Joker while he'd sat in his chair and showed off the Normandy. He'd shown Ellen everything he found interesting (which was everything) and then some. At first she'd been surprised, he genuinely didn't seem to be hiding stuff from her, it was almost as if she was trusted. But then Ellen realized the Alliance pilot literally just didn't take things too seriously, it probably hadn't even occurred to him that his commander wouldn't be happy with this, and soon he was letting her settle down in the co-pilot seat, and then Ellen was helping, until even she dropped her guard and started to talk too much.

"Of course, no one ever really listened to Ragnor. Boomer has always been the boss, he's smart for a krogan you know."

"Heh, well Shepard definitely rules the roost here. Everyone looks up to her, me included."

"Really?" She wrinkled her nose, Shepard scared her more than anything.

"Yea. Shes a war hero. And a great Captain. Ah... Mass Effect relay in sight." He suddenly murmured into the intercom, done talking and back to work. It made Ellen suddenly remember where she was, how she wasn't meant to be here. _This isn't my crew._

And that was made painfully clear as Shepard suddenly strode into the cockpit, her face a picture of scorn as she noticed Joker's new helper.

"Uh oh..." he muttered.

…

Joker winced and tried to ignore the elephant in the room. You could have cut the tension with a knife, and as no one spoke it got worse and worse. Shepard just crossed her arms and leaned her weight back onto one foot, frown deepening.

"Relay in range, entering transmission sequence," he murmured.

"I thought you were cleaning my cargo hold." Shepard said, almost barked, but she managed to keep her voice in that deep, calming tone. Joker cleared his throat and tried to carry on.

"We're connected, calculating transit mass and destination..."

"He invited me up. To help." Ellen retaliated, flicking through the fancy screens and looking away from her; big mistake.

"Last time I checked I was in charge here. Joker?"

"Er, yes ma'am. Definitely. Entering relay in three..."

"I'm a pilot not a cleaner."

"Two."

"You're whatever I say you are," Shepard stepped forward, "consider yourself lucky I even gave you a job to do!"

"One."

…

Ellen's tantrum was silenced as the ship was rocketed forward in space, but it wasn't the sudden speed that kept her mouth shut against Shepard's scolding... it was the little dot that appeared on her screen the minute they entered the new system.

The Normandy's radar was a lot more sophisticated than the Neptune's, and there was no mistaking what it picked up for a piece of space dust as it automatically scanned the signal coming in and encoded it in seconds.

"Commander," Ellen murmured, feeling as if she couldn't call her by anything else, "we've got an SOS call coming in... a ship marooned on Laena requesting help..."

"Do we know who?" Shepard was back to business again, and crossed her arms as she stood behind her chair.

"The Neptune..."

There was silence in the cockpit, and the three of them exchanged glances. Joker looked surprised, Shepard seemed as calm as ever, but Ellen was starting to panic. What was her ship doing on a desert planet? Had they crashed? Her stomach did a flip as she imagined her baby in ruins, literally a heap of scrap metal with sand getting into it's crevices and ruining it forever.

"Could be a trap," Shepard murmured finally. Ellen had never even considered that, she couldn't imagine the remaining crew doing anything so brave – or stupid – after all, they'd already ran away once.

"I doubt it," she spoke her thoughts aloud, feeling as if that was allowed on Shepard's ship after everything she'd seen. "More likely they just couldn't fly the ship, and crash landed on the nearest hospitable planet."

Silence again, until Joker was forced to ask Shepard what she wanted to do.

"Get us in close, Joker. Ellen, go ask Ashley to set you up with some gear. You're going to investigate with the ground team."

"Me?" She squeaked, when would these Captains learn that she would rather just stay on the ship?

"That was an order, pirate."

Shepard turned to go get ready, and Ellen saw she had no choice but to follow.

Part of her was a little curious anyway.


End file.
